I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
