Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
