I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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