So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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