omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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