she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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