When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
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I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
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I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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