he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
