The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
A+ Viking dick
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
