Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
