I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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