I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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