I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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