my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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