That reminds me...we need to get swords
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
