I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So apparently I’m into choking now
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