It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i drank out of a bidet.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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