If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
