I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You are a booty call, not a friend.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
