Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
