Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
