You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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