i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
