I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
