Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
