we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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