It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
