Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
