im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
