When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
