I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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