Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
