There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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