Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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