We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
