Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
