Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
