It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
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I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
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I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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