Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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