Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
