He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
