I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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