I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
