So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
