I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
