Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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