So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
