filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
