I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
