And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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