She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
