just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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