I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
