You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
