I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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