life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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