i jhust puked up my retainher.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
