just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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