I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
