only if we run a train.
done.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
