After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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