I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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