Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
