Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
