coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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