running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
