I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
