Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
