Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
